Five Qualities for a Healthy Relationship

Photo courtesy: http://www.loyola.edu/department/counselingcenter/letstalk/letstalk_healthyrelationships.aspx

Photo courtesy: www.loyola.edu

Striving for success is only natural when it comes to our lives, but there are times or situations in which we might be at a loss as to how success can be achieved.  Personal relationships is a hot topic for acquiring success, and yet more than half of all marriages still end in divorce.  Something tells me we aren’t getting it.

A couple of years ago, I wrote a blog article on the Five C’s of a Successful Relationship and recently included in my 3 Month Coaching Program on Personal Relationships.  While this list may not be exhaustive on the qualities a successful relationship should have, it is a start to building a firm foundation that you can start building on or a guide to help you recognize what is working and what isn’t.

The 5 C’s of Healthy Relationships
While there are any number of things each individual brings to the table when entering into a relationship creating the dynamics that evolve into how successful the relationship is, it is ultimately up to both parties to do what it takes to make a relationship work (Locker, 2011).  The 5 C’s that contribute to a healthy relationship include commitment, communication, compromise, consideration, and compatibility (Locker, 2011).

Commitment: The act of committing to something involves a pledge or a promise an individual makes with him or herself that he or she is willing to meet an obligation.  Commitment in a personal relationship involves making a pledge to yourself as well as to the other person that you are willing to do what it takes to make this relationship succeed.

Communication: Since mind-reading has not quite made it to human evolution just yet, it is important that we effectively communicate our wants, needs, and intentions to others as well as making sure we receive accurate information from others on what they are trying to communicate to us.  Communicating also involves sympathizing (or empathizing) with the other person’s side, and actively listening, not just hearing what the other has to say.  A few things to keep in mind are that communication is not just what you say, but how you say it as well, with your tone, body language, and factors that we may not be aware of at times.  We also need to take into consideration that actions speak louder than words, and we often communicate messages to others (as well as receive messages from others) based on our actions.

Excerpt from Personal Relationships 3 Month Transformational Coaching Program (Locker, 2013):

It is not enough that we communicate with others.  We must be able to communicate effectively to get our own point across and to interpret what others are trying to say accurately.  Aziz (2003) gives 3 elements of communication to others that are key to communicating effectively.  These include consideration of 1) what message you are trying to get across, 2) who you are speaking to, and 3) the medium or environment in which the message will be given.  Aziz (2003) states that your audience or the person receiving your message is the most critical factor to consider.  When considering who you are communicating to, it is important to think about what mental filters they perceive your message through.  Other elements include the aim, or what consequences you hope to achieve from what you say, and your attitude that you approach the situation with, according to Just (1997).

Always keep in mind that your spoken words are only a small fraction of what you are communicating to others.  It is important to remember that actions speak much louder than words.  Other ways you communicate are through tone, the speed at which you are speaking, your facial expressions, body language, and other non-verbal communication that sends messages to others, often without realizing it.

On the other hand, it is important to be able to listen to others to interpret accurately the messages they try to get across to you, and to ask for clarification before jumping to conclusions and getting angry.

Compromise: This word often has a negative connotation, but compromise is very important in any relationship.  What is important to keep in mind is that compromise does not mean that one person gives in while the other gets his or her way.  Compromise involves both sides making sacrifices to come up with a solution you both can live with.  If you can get creative enough, you just might find a solution that works for both sides and works out even better for you than your original stance.

Excerpt from Personal Relationships 3 Month Transformational Coaching Program (Locker, 2013):

Rosenblatt and Rieks (2009) define compromise as, “a settlement in which each side gives up some demands or makes concessions” (p. 196).  The idea is to collaborate with the other person to create a resolution to your disagreement (Rosenblatt & Rieks, 2009).  This does not involve one person giving in while the other person gets his or her way, as this can cause resentment and even vengefulness in the future.  However, coming up with a solution that may not serve one’s own self-interest but does serve the interest of the relationship can have positive outcomes, as both individuals feel a sense of commitment and contribution to the relationship.

Consideration: You need to be able to see the other person’s perspective and sympathize with where he or she is coming from.  Consideration is about being unselfish and considering the feelings, desires, and intentions of the other person.

Compatibility: You may have all the other factors just mentioned down perfectly, but do not underestimate the power of compatibility.  If you are incompatible with another person, you will find it hard to reach common ground on issues large and small.  While this may not be much of an issue in the beginning of a relationship, the further you continue, the more it will become clear that a firm foundation is needed to really succeed.  People need to have common interests, values, and goals to be able to work together and grow together as time goes on for the long-term.

Excerpt from Personal Relationships 3 Month Transformational Coaching Program (Locker, 2013):

Compatibility is another important aspect of personal relationships.  When we have similar interests and values as others, we tend to have less conflict and more sense of ease within the relationship.  Houts, Robins, and Huston (1996) state that people who are compatible with each other are inclined to do things that are pleasing to themselves as well as the other simultaneously, which is rewarding for both parties.  When people are compatible, they have a higher ratio of rewarding or positive interactions in contrast to punishing or negative interactions (Houts et al., 1996).  Houts and colleagues (1996) state, “As a result, compatible couples are more motivated to continue the relationship and develop commitment” (p. 9).

Set Your Goals
Do you need help improving or forming stronger personal relationships in your life with romantic partners, friends, family, or even work colleagues?  Perhaps you need to learn better communication skills, assertiveness, self-esteem building, or conflict resolution.  I am here to work with you one-on-one to set and achieve your goals in a structured way that can provide you with measurable and tangible results.  Contact me today for a FREE Consultation and let’s talk about how I can help you live a more successful and fulfilling life!

References:

Aziz, K. (2003). Effective communication. Training Strategies for Tomorrow, 17(5), 7-9.

Houts, R. M., Robins, E., & Huston, T. L. (1996). Compatibility and the development of premarital relationships. Journal of Marriage and Family, 58(1), 7-20.

Just, K. (1997). The ABCs of effective communication. Hospital Materiel Management Quarterly, 19(2), 33-36.

Locker, N. R. (2011). How to have a successful relationship. Retrieved from http://nicolette0223.wordpress.com/2011/07/18/how-to-have-a-successful-relationship/

Rosenblatt, P. C. & Rieks, S. J. (2009). No compromise: couples dealing with issues for which they do not see a compromise. American Journal of Family Therapy, 37(3), 196-208.

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About Nicole R. Locker

Nicole R. Locker is a resident of Lubbock, Texas. She has a Master of Science in Psychology and a love for pit bulls, Pilates, and romance novels. Nicole dreamed of becoming a writer since grade school after writing her first poem in 4th grade at the age of nine. A Social Worker since 2008, she has published life-coaching books on self-esteem and personal relationships, and has now added Fiction Romance to her repertoire.
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One Response to Five Qualities for a Healthy Relationship

  1. Pingback: Relationship Conflict | Life Goal Solutions, Inc.

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